One fine day
by Jazmaine
Summary: She couldn’t see where she was going or if the man was following her, all she knew was that she had to get away from him fast." Contains Rape and Violence.
1. No, I won't give up

**Chapter 1**

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own Harry Potter or the Characters and I doubt I own the plot.

Ok this is my first story so I'm not expecting it to be anything special but I promise I WILL get better! Anyway here we go.

Hermione rushed in through the doors of the great hall and bolted down the length of the Gryffindor table. She skidded to a halt between Ron and Harry, who were just getting up to look for her. "Sorry I'm late guys I slept in I thought it was just a regular Saturday." Her friends both gave her strange looks. "Hermione," said Ron cautiously, "its your 7th year at Hogwarts now, which means you've been going to Hogsmede for 4 years. Don't you think you should be used to the dates by now?" Harry looked at Ron incredulously. "Wow math on the weekend" he said "I'm impressed! Anyway what's up Hermione?" he asked in a concerned voice. "Nothing honest, I'm just really tired, I spent all last night revising my History notes." Her friends gave her another odd look, this time she knew they were wondering why on earth she was studying on a Friday night. She waved her hand impatiently and looked around at their classmates making their ways to the doors. "Look I'm starved so you guys start walking and I'll catch up after I have some Breakfast." She instructed, subtly dismissing them. The two boys shrugged and went to join the line of people to have their names marked off by Filch. As soon as they were gone Hermione sat down and loaded her plate with the food remaining on the table.

Later that morning, Hermione walked briskly through the clean fresh air. Winter was approaching and although it was slightly cool for her liking, the morning was crisp and she decided it was one very fine day. Walking along by herself she noticed more and sort of appreciated everything that was happening around her, it was very…soothing. She made a mental note to take time out and do something by herself more often, when she heard a noise close behind her.

She started to turn but a large hand clamped firmly over her mouth stopped her. Her eyes widened in shock and terror. She tried to scream because she couldn't think what else to do. Her muffled noise was rewarded with something pressing hard into her back causing stinging tears to spring to her eyes. Hermione's captor dragged her unceremoniously over to the right where a little shed was concealed by massive trees and overgrown bushes. She was pushed roughly inside and she heard her captor close the door and lock it. As soon as she regained her balance Hermione started to run. She couldn't see where she was going or if the man was following her, all she knew was that she had to get away from him fast. Something shattered against her left shoulder and she was knocked to the ground with the force of the contact. Her head landed in a position where she could see the pieces of Terracotta pot scattered around her.

The man lifted her harshly by her wrists and ankles and carried her writhing body to the far corner where a mound of blankets were stacked untidily to make what looked like a make-shift bed. He threw her down but Hermione sat up quickly and tried to break free but a foul tasting piece of material was shoved into her mouth and tied at the back of her neck. She choked on it and briefly wondered what could taste so bad, until she saw the ripped up curtain lying on some nearby pots. Before she knew what was happening she felt that large hand on her chest, pushing her down so head rested uncomfortably on a lumpy pillow.

The man twisted her arms around and pinned them above her head while he used his other hand to push up her shirt. Desperately, Hermione tried to kick him but he was sitting heavily on her thighs and her flailing legs did nothing. In no time at all Hermione was lying defenseless in her underwear. The man was fiddling with the clasp of her bra while she squirmed in vain. She heard the man growl in frustration and felt him release her wrists to get a better angle on the stubborn clasp. Hermione struggled and fought as hard as she could and for a second she thought she might have a chance of getting away, but the man was just too strong for her. For the first time she heard the man speak in a low, gruff voice. "You look so beautiful with your hair out…and when you're angry too." Then she felt something cool and hard (which looked suspiciously like a curtain rod) come in contact with the side of her face. It only stung for a moment and she was unconscious before she could feel any real pain.


	2. No, I won't break down

When Hermione awoke she could feel the pain. She blinked and gingerly lifted a hand to her temple, wincing in pain she quickly let it drop to her side again. She gently pushed herself into a sitting position and looked around. She was lying on the side of a deserted footpath, the same one she had been following to get to Hogsmede that same morning. She glanced at her wrist and wished there were watches in the wizarding world.

Hermione tenderly got to her feet and this time she cried out in pain. Her head was spinning but the pain was coming from between her thighs. She grabbed hold of a nearby tree to prevent herself from collapsing. She mentally shook herself and started to walk in the direction of Hogwarts. She had to get herself cleaned up before anyone saw her and figured out what happened. As she walked back to Hogwarts Hermione looked up at the sky. The sun was shining through the clouds and she guessed it must have been after lunch time-about 2. No matter how hard she tried Hermione could not focus her thoughts. Her head was swimming as once again she noticed things around her. The air that she had found refreshing just hours ago, now seemed suffocating. When she finally reached the castle she felt even sicker, far from the comforted feeling she had expected. As soon as she stepped inside, Hermione quickened her pace. She headed straight for the Gryffindor common room, checking every corridor on her way to make sure she didn't run into anyone.

Hermione heard footsteps approaching her dormitory and quickly pulled the curtains around the four poster bed closed. The door opened and then shut again and then there was silence. A few moments later, Hermione heard Lavender's voice. "Hermione, can we talk to you please?" There was no answer so Parvati tried. "Harry and Ron are **really **worried about you, they said you never made it to Hogsmede." She paused but Hermione still did not reply. Lavender was about to say something else but Parvati cut in. "We'll give you some time on your own then." There were more footsteps and they were gone. Under normal circumstances Hermione would have been Grateful and relieved but she found herself incapable of feeling any emotion.

3 days later Hermione was sitting in exactly the same position. Her back was firmly pressed against the wall and her knees were curled up to her chest. She hadn't eaten anything since Saturday, nor had she bathed and the only time she had gotten up was at 3am each morning to go to the toilet. It was the only time she could be confident that no-one would see her. Even then she had slid along the wall so that if anyone came she would have a clear view of them. She had so far avoided looking at her reflection because she knew she would be a puffy-eyed, tear-stained mess. However she had put her hair up and was careful not to show any emotion, apart from sadness which she couldn't help. That way she could never look angry.

After another 4 days Hermione finally looked in the mirror. As she had predicted, she was a mess. She worked up the courage to get in the shower and regretted it instantly. She could see him watching her, hear him speaking to her, feel him feeling her. She pushed her thoughts and memories to the back of her mind and concentrated on the feeling of the hot, almost scalding water, washing the dirt from her hair and her skin. Hermione had been an optimist all her life and she didn't see why the actions of one horrible man should change her morals or her personality. She turned off the water and stepped in front of the mirror. She dried and dressed herself and with a deep breath she removed the hair tie from her hair.


	3. Sooner that it seems

**Chapter3: Excuses, Excuses**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter.

A/N: I think this is the second last chapter because I know this story is kinda depressing and not as many people like depressing as Happy Fluffiness so I'm starting some new ones, which are much better. But anyway you're here to read this story so here we go.

She caught the hair with her hand and brushed out the knots. She smoothed out the sides with some more water and replaced the band. There that wasn't so hard. She would just have to make sure her hair always stayed in a ponytail. She had vowed to herself that she would never look angry and then she had an after thought. She had cried all her tears in the past week so she promised herself that she would never show how upset she was either, that would lead to too many questions that she didn't want to answer. She would appear deliriously happy at all times at all costs. So, with another deep breath she plastered what she hoped was a realistic looking smile and headed for her first class.

By the end of the day Hermione was exhausted. So many people had come up to her and asked her where she'd been, what had happened, was she OK and where had the scar on her face come from? While she appreciated all the concern she was running out of excuses. Most people were content with the story that she had been very seriously ill and had a horrible nightmare, waking up by banging her head on the bedpost. However she didn't think Harry or Ron were convinced. She desperately wanted to tell them, spill her guts in the hope of finding some kind of comfort, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. They had problems of their own to worry about. It would be selfish of her to waste their time complaining.

"And Besides," she thought trying to comfort herself "I don't want anything to change." Hermione was afraid of what her friends would say, how they would react and how they would treat her knowing that she was somehow spoiled now. But most of all she didn't want them to feel sorry for her. She hated it when people pitied her, it was an even worse feeling than not knowing something and that was pretty bad. Now that she came to think about it though Hermione had unfortunately been experiencing that feeling a lot lately. While she thought she had been doing a pretty good job of keeping her life normal, one thing had changed. Hermione had always been the smartest kid in the class; Even in Pre-school and Kindergarten at the Muggle School she had attended before Hogwarts she had always been way ahead of the other students.

But now, no matter how hard she tried she just couldn't concentrate on her schoolwork. In every class she had tried to focus and take notes and bank the information, but in the dreary silence of the classroom she found she had too much time to think and her mind wandered. All the things she was trying so hard to forget were coming back to her and crowding her brain. She had lost her ability to see the funny sine of life and just couldn't bring herself to laugh at jokes or pranks or mistakes. She knew the other kids thought she was weird and stupid and her grades were dropping rapidly but it she also knew that these inconveniences were far better that the alternative of everybody knowing what had happened to her.

A/N: So there you go please tell me what you thought even if you think it was the worst story you've ever read. **PLZ!**


	4. Life turns around

**Big Fat Lies**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything except for Matt and Zak.

**A/N: **Sorry it's taken a while to update but I decided to rewrite this chapter and now it's nothing like the original. But anyway this is the result. Hope you like it!

About 4 weeks later Hermione had finally worked up the courage to go to Hogsmeade again. She woke up early and went down for Breakfast with Parvati and Lavender, which she had been doing whenever Harry or Ron weren't around. She placed a few pieces of Bacon on her plate, but she was too nervous to eat them, so she just removed all the fat and made patterns on her plate. Next, she tried to Drink some Pumpkin juice, but she just swirled the contents of her glass around and around in circles until she slopped the juice all over the table. Finally, Her two best friends came in for Breakfast.

"Hey Hermione, how are you this morning?" Ron asked. She knew that he and Harry were still worried about her. Even if no one else could, they were able to see that she'd changed and they had spotted all the differences so far. She appreciated the concern, but she wished they would leave her alone.

"I'm Great, I'm going to Hogsmeade today if that's OK with you guys." She answered brightly.

"Oh that's great! And of course it's cool with us. By the way, why haven't you been coming lately? It must have been ages since you last had a Butter beer and aren't you low on School supplies yet?" Harry asked.

"Um, well, I've had heaps of um Arithmacy and Muggle Studies homework these last few weekends, and now I have to go and buy some more ink." She lied unconvincingly. Harry, Ron and Matt, a guy from her Muggle Studies class who was sitting across the table, all gave her strange, disbelieving looks. Hermione shrugged.

"Come on, we should get going." And she stood quickly before they could protest, forcing them to follow.

-

"Wow I'm exhausted!" Ron said with a laugh, "How bout you guys?"

"Yeah I know what you mean, I think I'll skip dinner and go straight to bed." Harry agreed.

"Why would you do that?" Ron asked in total seriousness and confusion. Harry burst out laughing. Ron was even more confused. "I don't get it!" He complained. Harry just laughed even harder.

The sun was beginning to sink behind the mountains and Harry, Ron and Hermione were dawdling along the footpath on their way home from Hogsmeade.

A small noise came from behind them, like a twig being broken under someone's foot. Hermione, who had remained silent until now, jumped into the air and spun around, utterly terrified. Matt from her Muggle Studies class and his friend whose name she forget sped up to reach the three of them. Hermione relaxed a little but her heart was still racing a million miles a minute.

"Hey Hermione!" Matt greeted her in an awesome Canadian accent, "Who are your friends? Well actually I know who you guys are but I've never really been introduced to you properly," He continued, smiling at Ron and Harry.

"Oh well I'm Harry Potter and this is Ron Weasley, but um I'm sorry but I've never met you." Harry said as politely as possible. Matt laughed loudly.

"I'm Matt Costas, I'm in Hermione's Muggle Studies class, but we're in Ravenclaw. Oh sorry this is my friend Zak Richards and he's also in Ravenclaw."

"Well it's nice to meet you guys! Mione, you ok?" Harry asked. Hermione had grabbed onto the nearest tree to keep herself upright. Her head was spinning. They were just a few metres from the little shed where her life had been all messed up. She had to move, get away from this place. She could see it replaying over and over again in her mind. As if she was standing in the doorway looking on. She looked up at the four boys gathered around her. Matt! Those eyes! They were just like the ones of the guy who had ruined her, she would recognize them anywhere, but nothing else about him was familiar or linked to the man. Strange, she thought, and she passed out.

**A/N: **Ok tell me what you think!


	5. And i will be strong

**Disclaimer: **I don't own nufin!

**A/N: **Ok thanks again to all my reviewers you guys are the best. This chapter is rather short but you'll get over it. So, here goes.

Hermione woke up with a major sense of daja vu. She was lying in a bed in the hospital wing, right up the back by a window. Her bedside table was crammed with sweets and get-well cards as it had always been during her stays here. Looking around she saw that it was mid-morning, but she didn't know which day. She considered getting up and going to find out but her mind was foggy and she doubted she could walk in a straight line. Instead, she read her sweet, sympathetic cards and dug in to her chocolates and lollies. She noticed a small purple card towards the back of the tiny table, with unfamiliar handwriting. Hermione opened it up and grabbed another packet of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans. The card was from Matt.

_Dear Hermione,_

_I'm not exactly sure what happened to you, but I really hope you're going to be all right. Madam Promfrey says you will be, but I'm worried anyway. By the way I was just wondering, why did you tell Harry and Ron you had so much homework? We almost never get it from Muggle Studies. Sorry, I know it isn't my place to ask but I'm a very curious guy. Anywho, Get better soon!_

_-Matt. _

Hermione carefully placed the card back on the table. Perhaps Matt would just forget about her little fib if she didn't bring it up. She hoped he would. But if he didn't, would he start to suspect something? He would find out, she knew he would he was going to tell everybody and ruin her cover. Hermione began to sweat and felt sick with worry and anticipation.

"Ah, Miss Granger, you're awake I see. Good, good, how are you feeling?" Madam Promfrey strode purposefully towards her.

"I'm not too bad, a little dizzy though," Hermione admitted.

"Yes, yes well that's expected you just lie down for a bit and I would imagine you can sleep in your own bed tonight." Madam Promfrey returned to her office and closed the door leaving the room silent again. Hermione yawned and decided to take the nurse's advice and get some rest.

-

Next morning (which was a Tuesday) at breakfast, Hermione discovered that Matt had gotten to be quite good friends with Harry and Ron, and was sitting across from then chatting loudly.

"Hey guys! Matt what are you doing at the Gryffindor table? Wait, you were here on Saturday morning too, how come?" Hermione asked as she plonked herself down between Ron and Seamus.

"Well," Matt began, "On Saturday it was heaps squishy at the Ravenclaw table while there was plenty of room here, so it was logical. But today I just wanted to talk to Harry and Ron. By the way could you please pass me the Apricot jam?" Hermione shrugged and reached out for the Jam. That was when he saw it. The thin, deep scar along her left wrist.

**A/N: **Ok and that's it for now so tell me what you think!


	6. Even if it all goes wrong

**Disclaimer: **the only thing I own is the character Matt.

**A/N: **Thank you to everyone who reviewed, you guys are the best! Anyways here is the next chapter. Enjoy!

Matt kept his mouth shut, deciding he shouldn't say anything with all these people around, but he would definitely ask about it as soon as he got the chance.

His chance came later that day when he arrived a little early to his Muggle Studies class and Hermione was already standing at the door. He had originally come early to speak to the professor about his homework, but he figured this was more important.

"Hey Hermione!" he called down the corridor. Hermione turned and her face lit up when she saw him. Matt blushed briefly. "Um, I was wondering if I could talk to you about something…kind of personal." Matt requested a little nervously. Hermione looked confused but she agreed. Matt cleared his throat. "This morning at breakfast I noticed a scar on your wrist. Please don't deny it because I know it's there. Hermione do you cut?" Hermione looked stunned, then guilty, then sad. Out of the blue she burst into tears and fled.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Hermione didn't come out until Dinnertime. As she passed the Ravenclaw table on her way to her seat, she slipped a tiny note onto the table by Matt's plate. Then she made her way over to where Harry and Ron were seated with Neville and Ginny. While they all squished over to make a space for her, Hermione sneaked a look over to where Matt was sitting, reading her note.

_Yes, I cut. Deal with it, don't tell anyone! _

Hermione turned back to her fellow Gryffindors and sat down.

"Hey Mione, where have you been all day?" Ron asked. She was dimly aware that it was just a friendly question, but she snapped at him anyway.

"Why is it any of **your **business Ronald?" Ron looked taken aback.

"I-I, uh I guess it's… not but um, look don't call me Ronald ok?" Ashamed of herself, Hermione looked down at her plate and pushed her food around with her fork. As she was doing this she realized something. She hadn't eaten for ages. She'd come to every meal in the last two days but she'd gotten distracted with something else and hadn't taken a bite. Hermione refilled her plate and was about to put her first forkful in her mouth when Matt tapped her on the shoulder.

"Hey, can I talk to you for a sec, in private?" he asked gently. Hermione hesitated, but then she shrugged and stood up. Matt led her out into the empty entrance hall where he stopped and turned to look at her. "Why?" Hermione looked up at him, then returned her gaze to the floor. She opened her mouth, then close it again, and again, and again. Matt studied her eyes. She was struggling; she seemed to be mentally arguing with herself. Finally, she broke the silence.

"Look, I like you, I really do. But I've only known who you are for less that 2 years and the first time I talked to you, was just last week. So, please forgive me if I'm not about to tell you all my deep, dark secrets." With that she turned on her heel and walked up the stairs as fast as she could without breaking into a run.

Back in the common room, Hermione decided to start her homework. Bent over her Star Charts and fresh pieces of Parchment, the time passed quicker. Somehow, it was different to being in class. The silence was peaceful rather than awkward, and the dimmed light was cosy instead of dreary. The hours passed swiftly and soon Hermione had to take her work up to her dormitory to avoid the noise.

As she arranged her books on her bed, an owl tapped at her window. It was gorgeous. A rich, chocolate brown with tanish highlights and big green eyes. As she let him in, he stuck out his leg obediently to reveal a small piece of ripped parchment with her name on it.

**A/N: **Ok and that's the end but please PLEASE push that button! It only takes a **little **extra effort. Review review review!


	7. When I'm standing in the dark

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything cept the plot and Matt.**

**A/N: Thank you to all my reviewers, I appreciate it. But, there is no pairing in this story. There are no couples and I'm not planning on making any. Hermione and Matt will be friends not Love interests. But anyways, on with the story!**

Hermione stroked the beautiful owl for a little while, simply staring at the note. She knew it was from Matt. Her name was written in the same tidy handwriting as her get-well card. He knew too much. How could she have been so stupid to reach out with her left arm like that? She'd been hiding the cut for days but she'd thought the scar wasn't really visible. Well, she was wrong. With a sigh, she untied the letter.

_Dear Hermione,_

_Look, I'm sorry for pushing you. I'm just concerned is all. If something in your life is so bad that you have to hurt yourself like that, then you have GOT to tell someone. I read a book once about a girl who killed someone and she refused to tell someone and she ended up committing suicide because she couldn't live with the secret. Tell someone! Preferably a counselor or a teacher or someone who can help you, but if not, tell Harry or Ron or if worst comes to worst, please tell me. _

_-Matt_

Hermione stared at the letter for ages. She had read that book too. The text had made her cry at least 3 times. Maybe four. Was that what would happen to her? She wondered. Oh god, she hoped not. Could there possibly be anything worse? Hermione didn't want to die, she wasn't ready. She would never commit suicide. Cutting her skin was just an anger relief of a strange type. It didn't mean anything.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Later that night Hermione was still lying awake in bed. It was pitch black and she couldn't see her hand in front of her face, but she could hear the other girls softly muttering and occasionally moving around in their sleep. The things written in the letter were really getting to her. What if she really did end up like that, depressed and alone and …dead. Just the other day Ron had quite charmingly told her she looked like a walking zombie. Maybe she had neglected her decisions and resolutions of appearing Happy and acting normal. Perhaps she should get her act together, before someone else suspected something else was going on. With that thought in mind she turned over onto her side so that her back was just an inch from the wall. Then she told herself off and faced the wall, taking deep breaths to calm herself. Eventually, she fell asleep.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Next day, Hermione was dawdling on her way to Muggle Studies. She figured if she got there at the last second and left as soon as the class finished, then she wouldn't have to talk to Matt. The late bell rang just as she opened the classroom door. He was sitting in the second row and he watched her glancing purposefully at the empty seat next to him. Hermione pretended not to notice and claimed a desk in the very last row.

By the end of the lesson, Hermione had about a quarter of a page of notes in front of her. Sighing heavily she gathered her things and packed her bag. As she straightened up she bashed her head against something hard. Looking up, she saw Matt, equally pained, waiting for her to recover. Hermione tried to get past him but he just sidestepped and blocked her.

"Matt, I really don't have time to talk right now. I'm sorry but I have somewhere to be." She lied.

"And where is that?"

"Uh, the library, I'm meeting someone there."

"Right, well we can talk on the way then." Matt told her.

Hermione just kept walking.

"So, um, did you get my owl?" He asked nervously.

"Oh, yes I did! Was that your owl? He was absolutely gorgeous, did you get him in Diagon Alley?" Hermione tried to change the direction of the conversation.

"Yes I got him in Diagon Alley. Hermione please stop procrastinating, did you read the note?" He said, sounding slightly exasperated.

"I read the note, and I've read that book too. Look, the school counselor is coming in tomorrow, so I'll talk to her then. But, I'm not going to tell you, at least not yet, coz I don't know you, and your eyes… I mean um, do you want to get a butter beer with me next time we go to Hogsmeade? Hermione stopped at the door of the Library and looked at her boots.

"Yeah, sure," he agreed, "I think we're going this weekend aren't we?"

"Yeah, so, I'll see you there." Hermione pushed open the door of the Library and breathed a sigh of relief.

**A/N: So there you go. Just so you know I am experiencing major writers block with this story so it might take a while to update. Please Review.**


	8. I'll still believe

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. It all belongs to J.K.Rowling (shame). **

**A/N: Ok thanks to all my wonderful reviewers, Devil's poodle, druggo-frog, wandira and everyone else who took the time to tell me what you thought. You guys are the best. Anyway here we go! **

That Saturday, Hermione sat at a small round table in the corner of the three broomsticks. It was a Beautiful day, it kind of reminded her of a Post card. The Snow was falling lightly and everybody was hurrying through the streets with their cloaks and scarves pulled tightly around them. The bell above the door to the pub rang softly and Hermione looked up to see Matt glancing around until he found her. He smiled and shuffled through the crowded room so he could take the seat opposite her.

"Hey, you made it!" she exclaimed.

"Of course I did, how could I pass up a Butter beer and great company? What could possibly be better?" he asked, smiling at her. Hermione smiled back, but couldn't think of anything to say, so they sat in an awkward silence until Matt spoke up.

"Look, I hope you don't mind me asking, but did you talk to the counsellor yet?" Matt looked concerned. Hermione's smile faded and she looked down at her boots again.

"I, um, well, you see, I was going to, but…" Hermione racked her brain for a decent excuse.

"Hermione, you said you would!"

"I know, I know. But I just couldn't. Although, if you're still interested, could I maybe talk to you about it?" She asked sheepishly.

"Of course Mione! Any time you want to talk just tell me!" Hermione was a little stunned that he had used her nickname, but she smiled in appreciation.

"Thanks. I really need that." More silence.

"So are you going to tell me or not?" Matt asked.

"Uh, I guess…" Hermione took a deep breath and launched into her story.

&&&&&

"Wow!" Matt was stunned into silence. "Mione I am soo sorry! I had no idea."

"Of course you didn't, how could you? And please don't be sorry, it's not like it's your fault."

"Yeah, I know, but it feels like it is." Matt took a long gulp of Butter beer and set down his mug.

"Do you want something more to drink?" He asked hoarsely. Hermione nodded and Matt walked off. Hermione shook her head. What if she had made the wrong decision? He might hate her for it, or tell people or tease her about it. After all, she still didn't know him very well, so why had she trusted him and no one else?

&&&&&

Two weeks later, Matt still hadn't talked to her. Hermione was well and truly regretting her decision to tell him. Back at Hogsmeade they had awkwardly sculled their Butter beers and separated to spend the rest of the day with their other friends. And now it was too different to even say a friendly hello in the corridors.

Perhaps she should talk to him. That could work. But what would she say? Nothing came to mind. Maybe that was why he hadn't come to talk to her, he couldn't think of anything else to say either. That made sense. Just then a note landed on the desk in front of her and Hermione was brought back to the reality of her Transfiguration class. She smoothed out the note to read Ron's messy handwriting.

Hey Mione, we know your secret, why didn't you just tell us? Meet us at the library at lunch k?

_-Harry & Ron_

Uh oh, she thought.

**A/N: and that's it please Review!**


	9. Someone's watching over me

A/N: Ok here's the next chapter. Sorry it took so long to get up. Writers block, Computer problems and Assignments. Grrrrrrr. What could be worse? Anywho, Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers. I wouldn't be writing this if it weren't for you guys! Anyways…Enjoy!

By lunchtime Hermione was so nervous she could hardly breathe. How could Matt have told them? He had absolutely no right! Damn her stupid optimism! She had been so confident that he would never even dream of telling. She supposed it served her right for spilling her guts to someone she knew absolutely nothing about. What were Harry and Ron going to say? She knew they'd be disappointed and hurt that she hadn't come to them. But would they be angry? Hermione nearly crashed into the library door. Only one-way to find out, she thought, and stepped inside.

Glancing around the room, she found that Harry and Ron were sitting between the two rows of History books, where only she ever went. This way, they could be pretty sure that nobody would overhear their private conversations. Hermione swallowed hard. When she had as much composure as she thought possible considering the situation, she walked over and sat down.

Hermione stared at the floor; it was a kind of bone white with little flecks of a tannish brown in random positions. After a few moments of Silence, she looked up. They were both just staring at her; they had sad expressions on their faces and looked as if the world had been dumped rather heavily on their shoulders. Great, they probably felt sorry for her! That was the last thing she needed!

"Why?" Harry asked. Hermione looked at him, confused.

"What do you mean why?" Because some crazed sicko had a failure of a sex life, why did he think?

"Why do you do it?' Ron attempted to be helpful, but Hermione just became more confused.

"Hermione, don't play dumb with us, Matt told us you cut. We can't help you unless you tell us the problem. I can't believe you didn't come to us sooner! We care about you Mione!"

Hermione was so relieved, she was smiling. Her friends looked at her like she was crazy but she just trapped them in a humungous hug.

"Awwwwww! You guys are waaaaaaaaay too sweet! I'm sorry I didn't come to you sooner, I was afraid of what you would think, that you'd hate me! I should have trusted you! I'm so sorry!" Harry and Ron exchanged a look.

"Well, you're forgiven, but you have to promise not to do it ever again OK?" Hermione hesitated at first, but then she softened.

"OK."

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Matt was blushing as he became very interested in the stone floor of a corridor on the fifth floor. Hermione was still fuming.

"Why did you tell them?" She asked for the zillionth time.

"We've been over this, I only told them that you cut, nothing more! And I did it because you need help, and they care about you, they really do. They deserve to know Hermione. Look, I'm sorry, I don't know how many times I have to say it. It was not my place to tell them, it was out of line I know and I'm sorry, please forgive me, please?"

"Damn right. I don't care whether or not they deserve it, it was my choice not to tell them and it was incredibly rude of you to interfere with that!"

"Look I've told you that I'm sorry, about a hundred times. I dunno what else I can say, No matter what they already know and there's nothing I can do now! And besides, they took it pretty well, and you didn't fight when you talked to them about it. I can't understand what you're stressing about. It worked out!"

"But that's entirely beside the point. You went behind my back and talked about me. You told other people something you shouldn't even have known. You didn't know it was going to work out when you told them!

"Ok so maybe I shouldn't have known, but you shouldn't have been doing it either. And of course I knew it was going to work out. They're your best friends, as if they would hate you for something like that. You're being completely ridiculous. It's not a big deal!"

Hermione looked as if she was going to slap him for a moment, but she seemed to think better of it, and stalked off before he could see the tears in her eyes.

**A/N: Puuuuuuuuurlease Review!**


	10. I've seen that ray of light

**Disclaimer: The only things in this story that are mine are Kris, Stacey and Matt who's not in this chapter. The rest is all J.K.Rowling's. **

**A/N: I'm sorry that this chapter also took ages to get up, but I am really having trouble with writers block. However, I think I have at least the next to chapters planned out and they will be up ASAP. Enjoy!**

Another week had gone by and she still hadn't forgiven him. She could not _believe_ that he had said something like that to her. She was **not **being ridiculous.

Hermione was so annoyed that every little detail was pissing her off. She had had a terrible week. She had broken her razor in the shower on Monday, so her left leg had little patches of hair everywhere, then she had shampooed her hair before she realized she was out of conditioner, so her hair was beyond frizzy, it was gross, and now it was oily too because she still hadn't bought any, Everyone was mad at her for snapping and yelling at them for no particular reason, she was about 12 hours behind in sleep so she was late for all her morning classes, she had more homework than she ever thought possible, she was stressing about her upcoming exams, it was that time of month, her skin was dry and flaky and her face was completely covered in pimples. Hermione was about to snap.

Harry and Ron weren't helping. Just as she had thought they would, they started to see Hermione in a different way, a new light even. And she didn't like it. It wasn't quite that they felt sorry for her, because they didn't know the real reason to, but it was too close for her liking. She kept up her plastic smile and blissfully happy act, but she didn't know how long she could make it last. Still, she couldn't let it go, or Harry and Ron would get even worse, and Hermione didn't think she could stand that.

Plus, to add to her problems, Harry had made her Promise that she wouldn't cut again, ever. Hermione was definitely not happy about it, but she promised anyway because she knew it was best for her. But that meant that she no longer had her only release for her anger and sadness. She had taken to smashing things against the wall in her Dormitory, and then magically clearing up the mess, but she was getting sick of replacing the pieces of her Chandelier.

She had been wondering if they had boxing bags in the wizarding world, it was something she had never really thought of. She decided to check the next time she went to Hogsmeade; boxing would be an effective, healthy release for her pain. Until then Hermione had taken to pummeling her pillow.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

That Saturday Hermione was still in a shitty mood and didn't yet trust herself to be civil around people, so she stayed in her dormitory finishing up all her Homework and Assignments. By 1:00 she was concentrating so hard on her Transfiguration reading that she didn't even see Kris-the exchange student from Japan- walk in.

"Hey Hermione!" Kris said brightly. Hermione jumped 2 feet in the air and fell off the bed. Slowly picking herself up she looked up at Kris.

"Oh, Hey. What's up?"

"You mean apart from the ceiling?" Kris laughed. She had a nice laugh, not a giggle, but not anything too loud or crazy, it was very genuine and it matched her warm smile. Hermione smiled.

"Yes, apart from the ceiling, what can I do for you?"

"We're having a massive party in the common room tonight, you wanna come?"

"Um, well I don't know if I should, I haven't really been myself lately and I'm a fair bit behind in my sleeping patterns…"

"Come on Hermione it'll be fun. It starts at Midnight, so even if you only stay for like, an hour you'll still have time for about 5 hours sleep. Pretty please?" Kris used her puppy dog eyes on her and Hermione gave in.

"Alright, I will make an appearance, but I'll only stay for a little while."

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Hermione spent the rest of the Afternoon lying on her bed looking up at the roof. At first she thought about what had happened to her, but then she stopped and forced herself to think of happier things. So, she thought of the party that night, it did sound fun, she had to admit, but she had no idea why she'd agreed to go. She'd been given no real reason to say yes. She had taken an instant liking to Kris, she couldn't really explain it, even to herself in her head, but there had been something about her that made you want to be friends with her and hang out with her and get to know her better. Hermione figured that the party tonight would be as good a place as any. At about 8:30 Parvati and Lavender came back from Dinner, and soon after that Kris and Stacey followed and started picking out outfits for the five of them.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

A mere 3 and a half hours later, Hermione was standing awkwardly in the crowded common room. She self-consciously adjusted her top and played with her jewellery. The outfit that Stacey had assembled for her was a little…revealing for her liking, to say the least. Hermione was wearing a **very** short black skirt, a black silky camisole top lined with lace that clung to her body, knee-high black boots that were more than a little hard to walk in, silver jewellery and lots and lots of make-up. Her friends had all told her over and over that she looked good, but she knew they were only trying to make her feel better.

"Hey Gorgeous." A deep voice said into her ear. Hermione jumped and her heart leapt. She was still paranoid about people coming up behind her. She turned around to look at a sixth year that she had never talked to or really taken any notice of.

"Um hi." Hermione said and yawned.

" You're looking hot tonight, you wanna come up to my room? It's empty." The guy, Hermione couldn't think of his name, but she was sure it started with T, raised his eyebrows invitingly. Hermione felt sick.

" Uh, no thanks I'll be fine down here." Hermione started to walk over to where Stacey and Kris were talking to some obnoxious guys that were always giving Neville a hard time. The sixth year caught her arm and pulled her back towards him with amazing force.

"Oh come on my bed will be cold and lonely all night, you wouldn't want that would you?" The guy didn't wait for a reply; he simply pushed her up the steps leading to the boy's dormitories.


	11. And it's shining on my destiny

**Disclaimer: The brilliant J.K.Rowling own everything that you recognize. Kris, Stacey, Matt (not in this chapter) and Toby belong to me.**

**A/N: All right here is the next installment. Please Enjoy!**

"Hey! What the hell are you doing?" Hermione protested loudly.

"Oh feisty are we? I have to say you are looking fine tonight. Although you're sexy in anything." He grinned stupidly and fingered her hair with his free hand. "You know if you toned this down a bit you would be even hotter." Toby! She thought suddenly. That was his name! Toby Lathom Well, being a prefect and knowing everybody sure had its upsides.

"Now are we sure you can't walk to my bedroom all by yourself gorgeous?" Hermione squirmed in disgust. "Fine then" Toby snarled.

Oh no! Thought Hermione. This can NOT be happening. How could her luck be bad enough for this to happen again? There was no way she could cope. This would not happen; she wasn't going to let it.

Hermione kicked out hard, hitting the sixth year in the shins. He cried out at the impact but his grip didn't loosen much. She bit his hand and lashed out with her feet aiming a little higher up. That did the trick. Wasting no time, she bolted towards Harry and Ron's dormitory. This time she could hear Toby chasing her and all the things she was trying to forget hit her hard. She tripped over a pair of socks in the 7th year doorway and somersaulted into Neville's feet.

"Hermione, what are you doing up so late?" Neville was surprised and briefly tried to flatten his bed hair. Hermione ignored him and curled up on the end of Dean's bed. He and Seamus were both down at the party so she didn't have to worry about waking them up. Neville looked at her strangely and shrugged.

"I'm gonna go see what all the noise down there is." Hermione let him go.

* * *

"Hermione, Hermione wake up." Someone was shaking her and calling out to her softly. Slowly she opened her eyes to see Dean kneeling front of her, with Harry, Ron Seamus and Neville looking over his shoulders. Hermione stared, bewildered.

"Morning. You should probably go back to your room. How come you crashed here last night anyway? I don't mind, I was just paranoid I was going to kick you in my sleep." Dean laughed. Hermione forced a little smile

"I'm sorry. I'll go sleep in my bed. Wait it's morning isn't it?" she asked looking out the window. "What day is it again?"

"Sunday" Harry said slowly. "Mione, are you OK? Maybe you should give Hogsmeade a miss and get some more sleep. By the way, why are you dressed like that?" Hermione looked down at her revealing attire from the night before. Blushing, she adjusted her top and pulled down her skirt to stop Neville staring at her legs. His face turned bright red, but only Hermione saw it.

"Oh, well um I was at a party last night. You know what, I think I am going to sleep a little longer, but I am coming to Hogsmeade, I have to check something. Talk to ya's later." Hermione stood up and descended the stairs outside.

"What party?" she heard Ron ask indignantly.

* * *

"Grrrrrrrr!" Hermione threw her hands up in frustration. "Why do they not have boxing bags here? It's not like there's any technology involved with them, even if they are a muggle invention, they would still work at Hogwarts and in the rest of the wizarding world!"

Hermione had been at Hogsmeade for at least 3 hours now and she could not find anywhere that would sell a boxing bag. There were a couple of Quidditch supply stores but she had racked her brain and couldn't think of anywhere they would sell muggle-sporting equipment. If she got really desperate she supposed she could always beg her parents to send her one. It'd be a bit hard on the poor owls, but she really did need to find a way to let out her frustration and her new pain.

Hermione had not taken well to Toby's attempt on her innocence. When she thought back on it, he was very obviously drunk. She didn't have any idea where he had gotten the alcohol, but she didn't think he remembered anything he did last night. She had seen him today, on her way out of the great hall. He had merely smiled at her. The same way he always smiled at her and Ron after they had stopped Crabbe and Goyle from beating him to a pulp one night on patrol. Toby was big, but nothing next to the two Slytherins.

But, even if he didn't remember and nothing had happened, the incident had still gotten to Hermione. Both the man from the shed and Toby had told her that she was beautiful and sexy or whatever. Maybe, just maybe, if she weren't as attractive as she was, terrible stuff like that wouldn't happen to her. It made sense. After all, She was pretty sure that Toby had been hitting on her because he thought that she really did look good last night, and maybe Kris and Stacey had meant what they'd said.

With that thought in mind, Hermione found Harry and Ron in Zonko's and made them walk her back to the castle.

* * *

Later that night, Hermione stood in front of the mirror in the small bathroom reserved for the Head boy and Head girl. Once again checking that the door was locked, she picked up the pair of scissors lying on the bench. With her spare hand, she fingered her long brown hair. Tone it down a little? That's what Toby had said. Doubt that this was what he was talking about. Hermione closed her eyes for a moment before she raised the scissors and snipped of the first lock.

**A/N: ohhhhh there you go! What will happen next? You'll have to read and find out –snickers- Please Review! Mwahaha! (Sorry I'm home sick today; I don't take well to being all cooped up and alone.)**


	12. Shining all the time

**Disclaimer: Matt is mine; the rest belongs to J.K Rowling. –Curses bloody brilliant author-.**

**A/N: I decided it was time for some more Matt because I like him and Hermione as friends; they seem to be on the same page for some reason (not telling what it is though mwahaha) but anyhow, on with the story!**

"Wow, Hermione! You look really…different!"

"Yeah, it's like a new you."

"What the hell? When did that happen?"

"Holy shit Mudblood, I didn't think you could get any uglier."

"Interesting. It may have been a good idea in theory, But…"

"Is that a guy or a girl? Oh fuck, it's Granger!"

"Oh my god, Mione! What did you do?"

"Ron, shut up!"

"Oh sorry, I just meant that…"

"I love your new hair Mione, would you like some toast?"

Hermione near collapsed onto the bench seat next to Harry. That had definitely been the longest and most painful walk to breakfast ever. It didn't help that she had to go past the Slytherin table either. Hermione nodded and shoved 2 slices of bread in her mouth.

"So, did you cut your hair yourself or did someone else do it?" Harry asked politely.

"I did it" Hermione mumbled into her glass of Pumpkin juice.

"Well it looks good on you, no matter what anyone else says." He shot a warning look at Ron. "You look very mature."

Hermione reached up to touch her boyish haircut. She had taken no particular care with it, so it kind of spiked out to the sides in random places. It was the kind of style that looked exotic and hot on models in magazines and Pantene ads, but made her look like a demented try hard. But that didn't matter, because she hadn't wanted it to look good. The whole point of the change was to make her less attractive. And judging by the comments she had gotten so far, it had worked. Yet somehow, Hermione wasn't happy with it.

* * *

"Oh my good I am so sorry! Here, let me help you up! Hermione? Is that you? Love the hair, very academic if you ask me. But anyway, sorry here let me help you." Matt hauled Hermione to her feet and helped her stuff her things back into her bag. 

"I'm really sorry, I didn't see you come round that corner. And, I'm also really sorry what I said the other week, it was harsh and you didn't deserve it. I'm also sorry that I haven't come to see you for the last couple of weeks; we've had what, 11 classes together? And I still didn't make any effort to talk to you. Gees I'm like the worst friend in the world." Matt looked at his feet.

"Hey! I didn't make any effort to talk to you either, so that makes me just as bad. Forget it." She flashed a rare smile at Matt and he returned it. Before they could say anything more, the bell rang and everybody started to walk faster down the corridor. Hermione slung her bag over her shoulder and shrugged.

"So, I guess I'll see you around." She said and moved off with the rest of the crowd.

"Yeah, bye." Matt didn't move.

* * *

"Harry can I borrow Hedwig? Pretty please? It's important." Hermione looked at him with pleading eyes. 

"Sure, I guess. I don't suppose you're going to tell me what it is that's so important?" Hermione smiled apologetically.

"You'll see, Ron can I borrow Pig?"

"You need him too?" Hermione pouted mockingly. "Fine go ahead."

"Thanks, you guys are the greatest!" Hermione hugged them both quickly and skipped the whole way to the owlery.

She browsed the high walls of the owlery and picked out the ten strongest looking school owls. She took her time writing a long letter in her neatest writing. She asked her parents how they were, told them all about how her schooling was going and at the very end of her almost three page note, she asked if they would be so kind as to send her a punch bag and boxing gloves for her birthday. She rolled up the letter and tied it around Pig's foot and set the 12 owls out the window with crossed fingers.

* * *

**A/N:I know it was short and I'm sorry. Not much really happened in this chapter, however if you stick around, it will get better! Please Review!**


	13. And I won't be afraid

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Miss Rowling.**

**A/N: Please, you have to understand, my ideas come to me in waves, so if I were to make long chapters I would hardly ever post. Please forgive me? **

Hermione sat on the toilet lid, head in hands, listening to Moaning Myrtle's hysterical sobbing. She didn't no how much longer she could stand the odd, analyzing looks that everybody seemed to be giving her. The mean comments were starting to get to her and she was starting to wonder if they were true. If she really was plain ugly, rather than unattractive like she had planned.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hohohoho. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. Myrtle was such a drama queen, I mean sure, she was dead and all, but none of the other ghosts ever acted like that, whereas she bawled 24/7. It was bloody annoying!

Suddenly, Hermione stood up and left her cubicle, to stand before the mirror with the sink that was the entrance to the chamber of secrets.

_Man, that diary had caused a lot of trouble._ She thought. Then she stopped and did a double take. **_Diary!_**

Hermione ran from the sink and out the door.

* * *

_Dear Diary,_

_OK, I've never actually kept a Journal or anything before, so I'll start by telling you…everything. _

_My name is Hermione Granger. I am a muggleborn witch in my 7th year at Hogwarts-School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I am 17 years old and at the start of this year I was awarded the position of Head Girl._

_The Reason I started writing in this book, is because a few months ago, I was raped. I don't want to go into great detail, it can be painful to talk about, maybe I'll tell you all about it when I'm in a better mood. From now, on recording my thoughts and stuff in here is going to be kind of like my escape from Reality, my way of dealing with grief and pain. As a child, I used to write stories, but something has happened to my creative streak. _

_Recently, I cut off all my hair, which used to be long and bushy and brown. I look like a boy and I hate it. I know what you're thinking, why on earth would I do it? Well, it's because not so long ago, I got close to being raped again. Both times, the guy has commented on my hair and I thought if I got rid of it, I wouldn't be in danger of something like that happening again. I realize now how stupid that is, I don't know what made me realize though. _

_I'm still as much at risk as everybody else out there, and that's a fact I have to deal with. I have to go now; I can hear my two best friends-Ron and Harry- calling me from the common room, because it's time for Dinner. But I have to thank you, although I suppose you didn't do anything, you're just a load of blank pages put together. But nonetheless, you have helped, for some reason everything seems to look different when it's put on paper, or it does for me anyway. _

_But I really am hungry now, so I will continue later._

_-HG

* * *

_

Next morning at Breakfast, everybody's eyes were glued on the massive package that 12 large owls were just barely supporting. The owls zigzagged towards Hermione rather ungracefully, and crash-landed in the middle of the Gryffindor table, spattering everybody with cornflakes and Pumpkin Juice. Hermione grinned at the shape of the package and instantly knew what it was. Setting out some food to replenish the exhausted owls that were staggering through people's breakfasts and falling into their laps, Hermione rolled the cylinder shape wrapped in brown paper onto the floor, and dragged it out of the great hall. All eyes followed her out.

Once she was in the Entry hall, Hermione cast a levitating spell on the package and excitedly directed it to the Gryffindor common room. Finally, she locked the door of her dormitory and ripped open the paper surrounding her punch bag. The bag was sky blue with Hermione printed across it in glittery gold letters. Accompanying it was a pair of bright pink boxing gloves and a letter from her parents.

_Dear Hermione, _She read.

_Well, it's an interesting choice of a gift, but if you really want it, of course you can have it! Anything for our favourite baby girl. We were considering holding on to it until the actual date of you birthday, but we decided that you could have it now. Have fun with it. We miss you Mia!_

_All our love, Mum and Dad._

Hermione placed the note on the small table by her bed with a smile. She really did love being at Hogwarts, but she always missed her parents, they meant everything to her. With a sigh, Hermione turned back to her punching bag. She used her wand to attach it to the ceiling, praying that Kris, Parvati, Lavender and Stacey wouldn't mind having it there. When she really concentrated, the face of the man who had raped her appeared on the pretty blue surface, his eyes-which were strangely similar to Matt's-were sparkling, and his mouth was sneering at her. Hermione slid on her gloves, which were a perfect snug fit, and began to beat the hell out of the innocent bag.

**A/N: Please Review.**


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